Monday

Glasgow Tommy

For breakfast this morning I feasted upon burned bacon, very black pudding, something that once resembled a sausage, eggs with broken yolks and a sprinkle of tepid baked beans intertwined with what looked like tree bark. My beverage of choice was a perfect insulation against the chill wind, piping hot tea served in a large metal mug, still containing the spoon. Just a shame it was the same spoon used to dish out the baked beans. Admittedly, # 4 son has many fine qualities, but cooking is sadly not one of them. It didn't matter, we were far too busy enjoying a few days relaxation. An early autumn break spent fishing on the west coast of Scotland is a memorable and a very pleasurable experience amidst the backdrop of the hauntingly beautiful waters of a certain loch, of which shall remain nameless. Cannae have it spoiled by tourists, eh?  Many an hour was happily spent in the company of my brothers, sons and nephews, fishing for salmon, rod in hand, casting our nets upon these waters, listening to Mathew, Mark, Luke and John talking to us about Jesus and his forty fishes..... no wait! Wrong fishing story.

In a nutshell, fishing, away up the west coast, we enjoyed it, however a decision was made not long after the rain began lashing and the whisky had finally gone, time to head home again with very little plate offerings between us. It was easier just to visit my pal Glasgow Tommy, who likes to keep his hand in by coming up with the odd fish or two on request. When I say odd, I don't mean the fish he supplies have 3 heads or a tail shaped like the jawbone of the Mexican fella who used to ride a motorcycle in that 70's polis show in Amerikay. No,  I mean he regularly has access to some very nice fresh salmon. Tommy fae Glasgow that is, not Officer Poncherello, for the love of God. He must surely be retired by now and not thinking about supplying hooky fish to tall Glaswegian strangers in a pub car park. I'm not sure about you, but I do love a tasty bit of salmon on my plate of a night. Especially when you know that it hasn't previously been dredged up from the bottom of the Ubangi river four months prior to it arriving on a Norwegian fishing smack covered in ice and accompanied by half of John West's salted kipper haul destined for Hong Kong.

Preparing and cooking a whole wild salmon is traditional, but isn’t the easiest of kitchen tasks, especially given the size of the beauties to be had up here in Scotland. It can end up bubbling away in a long dish or fish kettle, as they are better known, straddling two rings on the gas cooker and needing constant attention before boiling dry while you are upstairs taking a quick whizz. Let that old method fly right by you out of the kitchen windy. Here's a more efficient method for you to try. Your dishwasher. Dishwashers heat their water during the cycle, and that heat is enough to poach a salmon. No need to thank me or your God for helping you understand kitchen technology. Remember, religion is only for people who don't understand science. Okay, wrap your salmon tightly in aluminium foil and run the dishwasher on the highest and hottest cycle. And for the love of all things fishy, do not put detergent in it, but that surely goes without saying, right?

Glasgow Tommy's Salmon Supreme.

You will need:

1 large stolen freshwater salmon from the Duke of Argyles private land.

175ml plain low-fat yogurt

2 teaspoons lemon juice

3 egg yolks

1/2 teaspoon Dijon mustard

1/4 teaspoon low sodium salt

1/4 teaspoon caster sugar

pinch ground black pepper

dash hot pepper sauce, such as Tabasco

4 free range eggs

10 slices rye bread

1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley for garnish

1 teaspoon capers for garnish

3 man size fingers of Glenmorangie
 
To make the sauce: In the top of a double boiler, whisk together plain yogurt, lemon juice, free range egg yolks, Dijon mustard, sea salt, white sugar, black pepper and any decent hot sauce. Cook over simmering water while stirring constantly, for 6 to 8 minutes or until sauce is thick enough to coat the back of the spoon. Try to use a wooden spoon if possible, in my experience a metal spoon can taint the taste. Use plastic if you have it, but for the sake of the holy trinity tell not a soul.

In a large stock pot bring 2 litres of salted water to the boil. Carefully break the eggs one at a time into the boiling water. Treat them gently, just as you would treat a dear elderly lady who had just reversed her Honda Civic into the door of your vehicle earlier today. (Yes, this actually happened) When all the eggs have been added, reduce the heat to medium. Lean against the worktop, tip head back, swally the 3 fingers. Refill glass. When the eggs float to the top, remove them with a slotted spoon and let drain briefly and allow them to cool.
 

To assemble the final dish: Toast bread slices and place on warm plates. Top each piece of toast with a generous slice of salmon and a hot poached egg. Drizzle with sauce; garnish with parsley and capers, pour yourself another large whisky and let's get stuck in. Remember, for extra flavour that really brings out the natural goodness of the salmon, use white pepper and sea salt. To finish up any left over salmon, blend roughly and mix with breadcrumbs and fluffy mash tatties to make tasty fishcakes. Sprinkle on lemon juice and serve up with a winter salad.

I'm away to dry my boots, cheery bye the noo.

 

23 comments:

  1. no detergent. litre of Glenmorangie. what were we talking about? oh, right. the proper time and place to take a whizz...

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    Replies
    1. I'm lost too hen, I stayed on and put away much more than 3 fingers after everyone had left.

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  2. Well, at least I can't gain weight just reading the recipes and drooling in a most ladylike way. :)

    Made your Roscommon Patsy yesterday. And although Hubby requested his topped with vanilla ice cream, he deemed it most delicious! And yes, I gave you all the credit.

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    Replies
    1. Vanilla ice cream is superb with the Patsy, Hope. I have an idea for the pecans being used in a pear tart that I have had buzzing around in my head. I need to mull it over a while first though.

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  3. Do you think there's still a late night flight I could catch to G'gow in order to get a helping of this before it's all been devoured ??? Would hate to miss out !

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  4. Sod.
    I used the diahwasher method in France, but now have neither dishwaher nor salmon.

    Give me recipes for shark and ray....

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    Replies
    1. Fly, you appear to be seriously hampered by both larder contents and facilities these days. Is it a wee Red Cross parcel that I need to be sending your way hen?

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  5. Owen, I have a late supper planned for Saturday evening, just a few intimate guests, some polite intelligent conversation, and a rather large tasty rib roast. Give us a wee phone when you land, I'll have yis picked up.

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  6. Fishing? With the lads? At the loch?
    I'm gutted!

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    Replies
    1. Gutted like a wee fish eh? ><((((*>

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    2. You owe me one of those trips! :¬)
      (I don't eat much and I entertain for drinks! One pint and a sniff of Jameson, It's a win/win situation!)

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    3. Och, you know I cannae let you come along on any jaunts with the menfolk. Your idea of fishing is basically dogging but without the sex...Hours out in the open... You're bound to catch something. And then there is the old dilemma... Kill 'em or let them go.

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  7. You really are the most confusing person: I was sure you were in Barcelona. Sadly I won't be able to use your recipe as we got rid of my old dishwasher. MTL didn't like the noise.

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    Replies
    1. Pat, Barcelona was last week for the fitba hen. Just to confuse you even more I shall be in Glasgow for more of Barcelona next week too.

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  8. When we moved from the city to the suburbs my bride was a horrific cook. Ghastly. But over the years she has become a master chef. There is hope for #4.

    Is the dishwasher method for real? Or a gullibility check? It sounds like it could go either way.

    I tried to post this comment 3x but our power keeps going out. Bloody Hurricane Sandy is interfering with my genius.

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  9. UB, #4 already has his hopes set on becoming Glasgows next powerhouse in the scaffolding industry. He is already a legend in his own teenage mind.

    The dishwasher method is legit. Try it and see... If I am wrong I will refund your money personally.

    Good luck with the hurricane, over here we call it a light north-westerly breeze! Keep safe pal.

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  10. How canyou cook fish in a washing machine?

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  11. He may be wee, a tad bit twee, but I love the fecker with such glee!

    I Love Map! There, I've said it!

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    Replies
    1. Well now, I appear to have a clone. A homosexual one at that!

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  12. If you put small squares of rock hard butter in luke warm water - alas not in a washing machine I think - it reaches the desired softness.
    Just thought of that.

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    Replies
    1. A good tip Pat, one to remember. I tend to curl butter and store it in plastic bags in the back of the larder. Curls never quite get hard enough to be a problem when spreading or adding.

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Thank you, the chef is currently preparing an answer for you in the kitchen. Do help yourself to more bread.