Glasgow Tommy

For breakfast this morning I feasted upon burned bacon, very black pudding, something that once resembled a sausage, eggs with broken yolks and a sprinkle of tepid baked beans intertwined with what looked like tree bark. My beverage of choice was a perfect insulation against the chill wind, piping hot tea served in a large metal mug, still containing the spoon. Just a shame it was the same spoon used to dish out the baked beans. Admittedly, # 4 son has many fine qualities, but cooking is sadly not one of them. It didn't matter, we were far too busy enjoying a few days relaxation. An early autumn break spent fishing on the west coast of Scotland is a memorable and a very pleasurable experience amidst the backdrop of the hauntingly beautiful waters of a certain loch, of which shall remain nameless. Cannae have it spoiled by tourists, eh?  Many an hour was happily spent in the company of my brothers, sons and nephews, fishing for salmon, rod in hand, casting our nets upon these waters, listening to Mathew, Mark, Luke and John talking to us about Jesus and his forty fishes..... no wait! Wrong fishing story.

In a nutshell, fishing, away up the west coast, we enjoyed it, however a decision was made not long after the rain began lashing and the whisky had finally gone, time to head home again with very little plate offerings between us. It was easier just to visit my pal Glasgow Tommy, who likes to keep his hand in by coming up with the odd fish or two on request. When I say odd, I don't mean the fish he supplies have 3 heads or a tail shaped like the jawbone of the Mexican fella who used to ride a motorcycle in that 70's polis show in Amerikay. No,  I mean he regularly has access to some very nice fresh salmon. Tommy fae Glasgow that is, not Officer Poncherello, for the love of God. He must surely be retired by now and not thinking about supplying hooky fish to tall Glaswegian strangers in a pub car park. I'm not sure about you, but I do love a tasty bit of salmon on my plate of a night. Especially when you know that it hasn't previously been dredged up from the bottom of the Ubangi river four months prior to it arriving on a Norwegian fishing smack covered in ice and accompanied by half of John West's salted kipper haul destined for Hong Kong.

Preparing and cooking a whole wild salmon is traditional, but isn’t the easiest of kitchen tasks, especially given the size of the beauties to be had up here in Scotland. It can end up bubbling away in a long dish or fish kettle, as they are better known, straddling two rings on the gas cooker and needing constant attention before boiling dry while you are upstairs taking a quick whizz. Let that old method fly right by you out of the kitchen windy. Here's a more efficient method for you to try. Your dishwasher. Dishwashers heat their water during the cycle, and that heat is enough to poach a salmon. No need to thank me or your God for helping you understand kitchen technology. Remember, religion is only for people who don't understand science. Okay, wrap your salmon tightly in aluminium foil and run the dishwasher on the highest and hottest cycle. And for the love of all things fishy, do not put detergent in it, but that surely goes without saying, right?

Glasgow Tommy's Salmon Supreme.

You will need:

1 large stolen freshwater salmon from the Duke of Argyles private land.

175ml plain low-fat yogurt

2 teaspoons lemon juice

3 egg yolks

1/2 teaspoon Dijon mustard

1/4 teaspoon low sodium salt

1/4 teaspoon caster sugar

pinch ground black pepper

dash hot pepper sauce, such as Tabasco

4 free range eggs

10 slices rye bread

1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley for garnish

1 teaspoon capers for garnish

3 man size fingers of Glenmorangie

 

To make the sauce: In the top of a double boiler, whisk together plain yogurt, lemon juice, free range egg yolks, Dijon mustard, sea salt, white sugar, black pepper and any decent hot sauce. Cook over simmering water while stirring constantly, for 6 to 8 minutes or until sauce is thick enough to coat the back of the spoon. Try to use a wooden spoon if possible, in my experience a metal spoon can taint the taste. Use plastic if you have it, but for the sake of the holy trinity tell not a soul.

In a large stock pot bring 2 litres of salted water to the boil. Carefully break the eggs one at a time into the boiling water. Treat them gently, just as you would treat a dear elderly lady who had just reversed her Honda Civic into the door of your vehicle earlier today. (Yes, this actually happened) When all the eggs have been added, reduce the heat to medium. Lean against the worktop, tip head back, swally the 3 fingers. Refill glass. When the eggs float to the top, remove them with a slotted spoon and let drain briefly and allow them to cool.
 

To assemble the final dish: Toast bread slices and place on warm plates. Top each piece of toast with a generous slice of salmon and a hot poached egg. Drizzle with sauce; garnish with parsley and capers, pour yourself another large whisky and let's get stuck in. Remember, for extra flavour that really brings out the natural goodness of the salmon, use white pepper and sea salt. To finish up any left over salmon, blend roughly and mix with breadcrumbs and fluffy mash tatties to make tasty fishcakes. Sprinkle on lemon juice and serve up with a winter salad.

I'm away to dry my boots, cheery bye the noo.