I might not go. I still have a side door to hang on the garage, not to mention the bottles of red wine vinegar that I am supposed to be preparing on Friday for Missus O'Flaherty at number 63. She doesn't get out much, not with her varicose veins and this cold weather an all. Besides, who would feed the llamas, collect the eggs from my chickens and milk the goats in my absence? Not bloody Bono, that's for sure. Perhaps I'll just give this decades doomsday prediction a miss. Maybe join the bandwagon on the next one. Isn't the next worlds end due in a phone box somewhere in California at the hand of Colin Farrell and a plague of sniper trained locusts or something? It might be my tired oul eyes, but I could swear that the new postman is Samuel L Jackson and in his sack he is delivering hundreds of snakes. I'm starting to lose track, too much Fox News and egg nog seems to have scrambled my memory. I must also give the more stronger of Gorgonzola cheese a miss at bedtime, the dreams are becoming more lucid with every bite of the cracker.
Just in case the Mayans do get it right and after receiving a synchronising ray coming from the epicentre of the galaxy, a ray that will originate a gigantic radiant flaming that will bring the destruction of the planet through cataclysm to a fiery burning end, I have to get this secret off my chest. I am responsible for the disappearance of Jimmy Hoffa, his body is entombed within the concrete column at Giants Stadium. I also shot JR, but that was just for fun. I also kidnapped Shergar, he lives on in my barn, we ride him every Sunday, the grand weans love him. I also have a secret wee twin brother who goes by the name of Map. We were separated at birth after my da threw him in the river tied up in a sack (obvious reasons) and sure enough, a movie was based on our life story. The actors of course being Danny De Vito and Arnold Muscledlump. I am sure you can figure out exactly who played who! However, for those of you not planning on making the trip to Bugarach next week, I thought I might occupy your time with a winter warmer to put a smile back on your face. Enjoy.
675g (1 1/2 lb) diced braising steak
sea salt and freshly ground pepper
2 heaped teaspoons of plain flour
olive oil (good stuff please)
1 red onion, peeled and diced
1 carrot, peeled and diced
4 sticks of celery, diced
1 small handful of fresh herbs (rosemary, thyme, bay leaf)
1 (500ml) bottle of Guinness
4 chopped tomatoes
1 (500g) packet of puff pastry (if you are a heathen or just plain lazy)
1 free range egg, beaten
Season your beef well with the salt and pepper to taste, sprinkle with flour and toss around until coated. I use a plastic bag, it works better than anything else.